The Calculation and Use of Mom Years

How old are you in Mom Years?  I am 34 years old chronologically and in Mom Years and that is pretty cool.  Mom Years are a way of determining how long you have been parenting.  To determine your age in Mom Years you simply add the ages of your children.  For me that is 11+9+7+5+2= 34 Mom Years. 

So, what are Mom Years good for?  It is helpful to mention when talking to a newbie in the parenting world.  For instance Church is over and the new parents in front of you turn to gather their luggage.  (I say “luggage” because face it, that bag is not just for diapers!  It has three changes of clothes Mom, Dad and Baby, enough diaper ointments and wipes to last until the kid is three, a first aid kit to rival the ones in doctor’s offices, ten pounds of teething rings and toys, and a full pack of Pampers.  Between carrying that, the infant carrier and the baby, no wonder why new parents look so tired!  But I digress…) So you turn to great the new parents who apologize for what they call their infant “wailing” in Church.  At which point you laugh and say “Oh, no!  Baby was just softly voicing their displeasure, not wailing. You do not know true wailing until they turn two. Trust me, I am 34 Mom Years old.” 

You can also state your Mom Years to Age ratio.  Right now mine is 1:1 since I am 34 chronologically and in Mom Years.   I have found that this works well with some pediatricians. 

“Mrs. V, Esme, at one year old, should be sleeping through the night.” 

“Did you learn that in a book in medical school?”

“Yes.”

“Ah, and you have a ten month old right?”

“Yes.”

“Does he sleep through the night?”
“No, but he should start to soon.”
“And you are 37 years old?”

“Yes.”

“Ok, that means that you have a 0:37 Mom Year to Age ratio.  My ratio is 1:1. Trust me, it is a lot easier if I just have her nurse at night.” 

Sometimes at the end of the appointment you can casually offer to help with other parenting dilemmas your pediatrician is facing, “ Oh and when your little one hits one and is not sleeping through the night, you will need more parenting advice.  Feel free to call.”

If you do not want to disclose your age or you are looking for dramatic effect, the general idea is all people need.  This is helpful for addressing your children.  “Mom, you look tired!”  To which you answer, “Of course I look tired! I have been parenting longer than I have been alive!”

Mom Days are also interesting to think about.  Mom Days are a simply way of calculating how many days you spend parenting in a day.  They also help to explain why days feel like they go by so fast.  The formula for calculating Mom Day is number of children that you have x 1 day = number of Mom Days.  For me, I earn 5 Mom Days for everyday.  Thus, for everyday, you are actually living the same number of days that you have children.  It is also helpful to calculate how quickly one of your Mom Days go by.  Instead of my days being 24 hours long, for me a single Mom Day passes for me in just 4.8 hours!  While I need to do some more research on it, I am hoping that wrinkles keep pace with the 24 hour calendar rather than the Mom Days.  

I hope this is helpful to you.  Do not forget to recalculate your Mom Years at least once a year.  Enjoy using Mom Years!